The Pain I Feel
by The infamous hogwarts jaguar00
Summary: Mrs Lovett isn't very well, in the head of course. This one shot explains her story, in a way. WARNING! There is self harm, and, heartbreak xD There is also some language, but not too bad!


**Hey, this is a quick one shot. Sorry about my absense (I know, I cannot spell that word!) but, I think I'm back! This will be a self harm fic, so please don't read if you don't like, oh and I kinda based Mrs Lovett on Ophelia, in her Hamlet? Yeah, she goes mad at then end! This seemed to write itself! xD**

**BE WARNED! THIS IS WEIRD! AND IT PROBABLY MAKES NO SENSE! Oh, and it may be implying that Mrs Lovett is depressed, but Im not sure on that one!**

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"Mr T! I've brough' y-" I stop when I see that his room is empty. "Mr Todd?"

Silence.

I place his supper tray on his desk, and I look around, hoping he'll appear from the back room. (yes, there is a back room/ living quarters!) However, no such luck.

I go to leave, when my eye catches something. I walk towards the shining object, unsure as to what Mr T could have that was 'shiny' appart from his beloved razors, which I know are kept in their case, or on his person.

Looking at it, I see that it is a razor, and I'm confused. He would never, ever leave them lying around. I want to put it back, in case he see's me, or even my finger prints upon it, but I can't put it down.

It's him I'm touching. Not a cold, silver object, but him. His hand. This is his arm, the extention of it. When he came back after those 15 years, when he told me to leave him, I didn't. I heard what he said.

'At last. My arm is complete again!'

This was his arm.

Running my fingers over the design, I surpress a shudder. I see him holding it with so much care, the look of devotion in his eyes at this piece of...metal.

How can he love an inanimate object more than me? I think to myself, and without warning, tears fall slowly. I hate myself for loving him, loving him so deeply that all he has to do is look at me and I melt. I would do anything for him- I already do everything for him. Why can't he see that?

I flip the razor and the shiny metal of a sharp blade appears, glowing in the sunset. For a moment, I don't breathe, I just stare at the beautiful silver. But I snap out of my trance when the room darkens as a cloud goes across the sun.

Suddenly, I don't see this as a razor, or a blade which has killed many, or even as sharp object! All I see is Mr Todd's arm, Mr Todd's finger, Mr Todd himself.

I don't think as I run the razor down my arm. All I see this Mr Todd, running his fingers over my arm.

I pull the blade back and all I see is rubies, precious rubies running over me. I don't feel pain, only adrenalin, only excitement.

''E's bound to notice me. 'E must notice me now. I'm usin' 'is arm. I'm covered in rubies.' I mutter silently to myself, running his finger over me again and again. I don't hear the door slam open, and I don't hear his footsteps, and I don't hear his panicked questions.

All I see is his fingers, running over me, all I hear is his voice, it sounds concerned, and all I can feel is him.

His finger is taken away from me, and I flip my head up to glare at whoever interrupted me.

"Mrs Lovett?" I see him, I see Mr Todd.

I smirk wickedly and bite my lip, and my head tilts slightly to the left.

"Mr T! Look! I'm covered in rubies, look!" I say excitedly, showing him my arms, laughing at his face.

His eyes are wide with concern, almost as though I've told him his wife isn't really dead, but roaming the streets and making a living by selling herself- but shh. We can't tell him that!

He looks at my arms, but I can't see his reaction, I'm too busy laughing. Anticipating his response. He should sweep me off my feet, tell me that Lucy doesn't matter, in fact, he'll tell me Lucy doesn't exist! She was made up, it's alway been me, always.

But the words that leave his mouth make my laughing cease, and cause tears to fall.

"Mrs Lovett-" he begins, and I can tell, even in my mental state, that he is not happy. "-Mrs Lovett, what have you done?"

"Mr T! You said, I remember I do! You said 'rubies, you'll soon drip precious- rubies' and- I am!" I say, trying to sound happy, even if my face says otherwise.

"Mrs Lovett, you know surely, I was talking to my razors, not to you?" he sounds concerned, and this makes me even sadder.

"But- but you said it so...so... lovingly." I whisper, and I begin to cry again.

"Mrs Lovett, you must know that I cannot love again. I'm sorry, but stop this nonsense. Go and clean your self up. You're insane. And don't touch my razors again." he says, not cruelly, but I still cry at the harshness of his words.

When I don't move, he hauls me to my feet, throwing his jacket over me to over the rubies and pulls me down the stairs. I follow aimlessly, tears flowing, but I make no noise. Nothing makes sense now, not even my own thoughts, the only place where I was always sane, where everything made sense.

He leaves me in the pie shop, his last words are him telling me to clean up and sort my head out. He can't lose me, I'm the only one who can dispose of the Judge.

He leaves and I stand there, wallowing in self pity, wondering why I bother. The one man- hell- the one person who I ever truly- truly loved see's me as his worker, and nothing more.

What's the point in trying anymore?

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**Well, was that bad? I have no idea what inspired this (or maybe I do...) but yeah, how awful was it? I know it's the shortest thing I've written, but this was done in an hour, so yeah! And I'm sorry about Sweeney being a bastard, but it was kinda necessary, it wouldn't have worked if he'd just said 'aha! I love you! Let's get married!' even if I wanted that to happen, we don't always get what we want, oh and the way he turns her down, imagine it the why Barnabus turns Angelique down xD So please review with your thoughts on my new, story.**

**Oh! And I had great difficulty coming up with a name for this, so EllieLovettBovine kindly provided me with this:**

**'Ellie sucks like julia on a very productive doctor patient day because she didnt make sweeney kiss nellie.'**

**and this:**

**'Mrs lovett goes batshit crazy and rapes sweeneys razors.'**

**I turned them down though, they didn't seem to fit quite right with the story...**

**Ellie.**


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